Garbage Knife
- I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I've gone to the doctor and gotten blood work done. I've waited for results. I've thought of burning a few objects. I've thought of continuing with my routine. I've thought of continuing without my routine. I've thought of getting rid of my routines, and I have. I've thought of taking pictures. I've thought of getting rid of this notebook. I've thought of writing with my left hand. I've thought of writing with my right hand. I've thought of writing without writing. I've thought of writing in reverse. I've thought of writing in reverse for so long that it feels like a habit. Writing in reverse has become a habit. I must get rid of my habits. I must get to the habit of getting rid of my habits. I must do the opposite of what I've been doing. I must act radically. I must take drastic measures. I want to go endlessly far away from here, but the problem is I don't know where here is.
- Did you ever think of throwing yourself in the river?
- I have thought about it. I have also thought that the river is an object and that my house is another. My house is made of different kinds of materials. I am made of different materials. I am not the house, and my husband is not me. We need to get rid of my husband, maybe. I want to get rid of my husband.
- You want your husband to get out of the house?
- Yes.
- And where would you want him to go?
- I don't know. I want him to stop being so horrible. I want him to be quiet. I want him to not destroy my things. I want him to be sick, but you know...
- You want him to get better?
- I want him to get worse. I want him to suffer more.
- Why don't you ask him to leave?
- I don't want to ask him anything. I don't want to talk to him. He never listens anyway.
- Maybe he doesn't listen because you never ask him anything.
- Ah. Maybe...
- You should have asked him before you bought that knife.
- I didn't buy the knife with my own money. Don't be so dramatic.
- Maybe you should have thought about that before cutting your hand with it.
- I was trying to cut my tongue.
- How did that go, by the way? I forgot.
- It was stuck in the door. I guess it landed on a floor of the bathroom.
- Will you take it back to the shop?
- I don't see how that would work.
- You could lie and say it was defective.
- There's no way in hell that I would do that.
- So, what will you do with it now?
- I was going to throw it in the garbage, but then I remembered you.
- Well, I think you should throw it in the garbage. There's got to be a story somewhere around here.
- Maybe later when you're not here I can write a long story.
- If you write it, would you read it?
- No. I'll just throw it in the garbage.
- Okay.
- By the way, I heard you were back. I was worried.
- Thank you for not calling or visiting. I hate that you even thought of it.
- It's okay.
- You're amazing. Most people would have visited at least once, demanded to see me.
- Most people are not like you, they say.
- I know. Most people would have called right away, at least.
- I'm glad you're not like most people.
- You're next to impossible to reach.
- I'm next to impossible to find. There's a difference.
- I think you're already pretty impossible.
- You are incredibly beautiful.
- Thank you. You're too kind.
- You don't have to act so shocked.
- I'm shocked that you remember that movie.
- I remembered it the minute you said it.
- You lie a lot.
- No more so than anyone else.
- You're a liar.
- You are really bad at debating.
- So, will you take it back?
- I was going to throw it in the garbage, but then I realized you wouldn't like me to do that.
- So, what are you going to do with it?
- I was going to write on it.
- Are you going to write on it before or after you take it back?
- I'll write on it after.
- When you say write, do you mean draw or are you planning on writing something in like, Russian?
- I don't know, I was just gonna write something freehand.
- Oh, yes. Definitely freehand. This is a calligraphic work, really.
- Can I see it?
- Of course.
- Just promise me one thing.
- What?
- You're not going to cut your hand with it this time.
- Agreed.
- And now, I'm going to wash my hand. Thank you for the key. I'll return it to you when I'm done.
- You don't have to wash your hand.
- I want to.
- Well then, wash your hand.
- I don't have a towel.
- You have a towel somewhere, don't you?
- I don't have a towel but you do. I'm going to borrow yours.